Mothers and Daughters

This is a tough subject and I may fail in my ability to express myself on tis one but I'll do my best. Just remember this,I am drawing on my own expriences and that of my friends.If you have something different to share that's fine but don't hate okay?

My mother was 16 years old when she had me in October of 1971.The next month she turned 17 still not the ideal age to be a mother.She was unmarried but apparently I was a "planned" birth. My father had just turned 18 at the time and this was their second pregnancy and first birth. Perhaps the loss of their first pregnancy got them used to the idea of having a baby. Maybe they didn't plan that one but the disappointment of not having a baby that time fueled their desire to conceive me. Whatever the case may be I'm here and let me get back to the subject. Mothers and their daughters can be great friends, adversaries, strangers, but never enemies. You make an enemy of your mother and a part of yourself becomes an enemy as well. The part that's just like your mother lol.

First off Lets talk about mom as friend. You are truly lucky if you can be friends with your mom.I used to think you couldn't untill you were an adult and out on your own until I saw how my cousin and her daughter got along.They have a wonderful relationship.If a friend is someone you respect and love to spend time with then they are the best of friends. This is what I've observed about them. My cousin leads by example. She's not perfect but she does tend to practice what she preaches. Speaking of preaching there's not a whole lot of that in her house either but there are lessons being taught. When problems do occur she tends to hit on them without staying on them instead she moves on to solutions. She also sets clear boundries and is pretty consistent. She's gotten better with age. Her children range from 33 to 13 and I'm sure each of them have thier own story tell but all of them respect her. I think the key ingredient to her ability to be mom and friend lies in her ability to listen to her kids and her ability to apologize when she's made a mistake.

Mom as adversary... now I know adversary can mean enemy but for this purpose I am using it to describe a M/D relationship that is rocky. Drawing from my previous point if you can't listen to your daughter, if you can't admit when you've been wrong then you will NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!! She may try to act as if everythings allright but... if you feel wronged or misunderstood by anyone how can you be their friend? If you and your daughter are arguing about the same thing over and over maybe you should listen and if need be make amends. Explain youirself to her. YEAH I SAID IT there are times that you should. If you care at all about you daughters you'll to identify those times. And ladies there are always reasons but often no excuses so don't make any. A simple I'm sorry may suffice an I'm sorry but, if or any other addition just comes up short. I couldn't have a relationship with my mom until we addressed certain things and she did apologize which gave me the freedom to do the same.You see alot of times we're so mad at our moms that we become abusive to them.I know when I became an adult I couldn't hear or respect anything my mom had to say. I would often revisit old arguments or hurts and inflict new ones in the process. I needed her to make it right. Now we have a much better relationship. Far from perfect because we are just too much alike for that lol but we're okay. BUT..... if she your mother never does make amends please try to forgive her anyway. Don't make her your enemy. Don't be controlled by the mistakes she's made and her inability to see them. My grandpa used to say that people only do the best they can.It might not be the best for you. Their best might be pretty pitiful so forgive them anyway. It's even okay to love the parts of yourself that are like them. Don't try to be so unlike them that it consumes you. Just forgive and live.

Strangers... you don't have to be. I think one of the lonliest feelings is when you are not known by the people closest to you. If you can't communicate with mom or vice versa then you will be lonley and this will affect other parts of your life. If you can't fix it then please aknowledge it, heal and move on. But please try to get to know your mom/daughter and be known even if you don't like the info. Last respect eachother or employ the old agree to disagree on whatever and love eachother anyway. Why? Because you are a part of eachother.